Hey friends! I realized after sharing some parts of our struggle with infertility that many of you may not know the whole journey we have been on! It’s kind of a long and winding story, so for you to get the whole picture I had to write it all out. Here it goes:

I’ve always dreamed of being a mom. It’s something that I would daydream about as a child and still daydream about today. In the back of my mind, I’ve always had the thought and had been told by doctors that it might be difficult for me to get pregnant and be pregnant, but I never paid it any attention. It wasn’t like I had anyone to have kids with until Alan came along.

My periods had always been irregular and I just thought that it was normal. I also didn’t get many period symptoms, so I thought I was blessed. Not many periods and no cramps? Sign me up!

Now, before we get into what’s been happening in recent months, I’m going to explain some of my medical history because it’s important to know going forward.

A little background

When I was very young, I got sick pretty often. I was constantly getting urinary tract infections (UTIs) that lead to kidney infections and eventually I was diagnosed with Vesicoureteral reflux (VUR). In a nutshell, it means that my urine would flow back up to my kidneys and not to my bladder like it was supposed to. VUR is graded from 1-5 (1 being very low grade and 5 being the most severe) and I was diagnosed with grade 5 VUR. A pretty big problem for an eight-year-old to deal with, right? Once I was diagnosed, the doctors did lots of testing and eventually decided that surgery was the best option. The surgery has a big name: Bilateral Ureteral Reimplantation, but the idea is simple; to reattach both the ureters to the kidneys to fix the VUR. The surgery went well ( I’m still here, haha) and the people at the Children’s Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) will always have my gratitude.

Even though the major problem was fixed with surgery, I have been left with major scarring to my kidneys and now, as an adult, issues with my blood pressure (aka I have high blood pressure). It’s a very dangerous revolving door: high blood pressure causes kidney disease and kidney disease causes high blood pressure. I am very blessed to not have advanced kidney issues because of my previous medical problems, but with age and other health factors, this will affect me in the future and it does affect pregnancy.

The facts: Pregnancy with kidney disease/kidney damage causes increased risk of high blood pressure, worsening of kidney function, higher risk of pre-eclampsia, restricted growth of fetus, and early delivery.

PCOS Diagnosis

Alright, back to the main event. It wasn’t until I started dating Alan that I realized my irregular periods could be something more concerning. I had always brought it up to my doctor and OBGYN, but they never seemed to give any thought, either.

Once Alan and I got married, I knew we didn’t want to wait long to start trying to have a baby. This is a good discussion for another time, but everyone is different. Some people like to wait to have children, others don’t. So, after getting married in October 2017, we decided in March 2018 that I would stop my birth control and just see what happened. Nothing did.

Yes, there were times I convinced myself I could be pregnant and I took tests, but they were all false alarms. In August of 2018, I knew my annual appointment was coming up and I decided it was necessary to check in with my OBGYN and ask about my irregular periods again.

This time, she listened! I showed her the dates of my periods and I told her how I was irregular (I use Glow for tracking my period as well as Period Tracker, both great apps, by the way). After looking all of that over, she ordered blood work and an ultrasound. Fast forward a few weeks and she sat me down and explained to me that I have polycystic ovarian syndrome or PCOS. I won’t go into too much detail about it (click on the link to read more), but it’s a hormonal imbalance and is one of the leading causes of infertility in women.

I remember thinking, “so what does this mean?” and being very confused. But also relieved? And also nervous. I had no idea what it would mean for my desire to be a mom, but I knew at least I wasn’t crazy for thinking there was something wrong. After I got home, I did lots and lots and lots of research, reading every article I could to learn more.

After some further blood work to test my kidney function, I was cleared to start metformin, a drug that is used to help treat type 2 diabetes, but has been found to help regulate insulin levels in women with PCOS. It can come with lots of fun side effects (just read up on it if you really want to know), but I was willing to take the chance. My OBGYN explained that metformin can help women with PCOS get their period regularly and it can also help women with PCOS lose weight, though it’s not specifically designed for that. With that, I was sent on my way.

Deciding to see a Fertility Specialist

After being on metformin for a few months, I began to see it work. I began having more normal cycles and was very hopeful that this would help me ovulate and conceive. At the same time, I felt like it was necessary to see a fertility specialist to get further answers and create out a plan. Alan and I decided on Shady Grove Fertility because of the convenient locations and their reputation.

Let me just tell you, I had no clue what I was getting into and neither did Alan. Our first meeting with the specialists at Shady Grove was pretty standard. We met with our doctor, spoke about what my issues were (PCOS and kidney issues) and she discussed the many tests we had to undergo to be sure there weren’t any other underlying issues.

So then came the tests. So many tests! Blood work for both Alan and I (multiple times), ultrasounds, a hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test for me (a test to check the Fallopian tubes), a semen analysis test for Alan, and even genetic testing (this is optional).

Once we finished all of the testing, there was one item left on my list to check off before seeing the fertility doctor again. Since I have preexisting conditions, the fertility specialist requested that I meet with a maternal-fetal medicine doctor (a doctor that specializes in high-risk pregnancies) and get her recommendation and approval as well before doing treatments.

This is where things got rough. I can handle the needles, the prodding, the tests, but hearing the words “you need to lose weight” and “your BMI is unacceptable” are not high on my list of things I want to hear.

But that’s exactly what I did hear. The maternal-fetal medicine doctor told me my weight is the one item holding me back from fertility treatment. Being overweight just adds another, more negative factor to my high blood pressure and kidney issues. Since this is a factor that can be controlled, weight loss is recommended. When we went back to the fertility specialist at Shady Grove, she reiterated the assessment of the maternal-fetal medicine doctor.

So that’s where we are friends. I’m still on metformin, Alan and I are still trying every month, and Shady Grove will follow up in a few months to check in on how I’m doing. Am I frustrated? Heck yes. Am I discouraged? For sure. But I have given up hope? No. Things are going slow, but I know God has a wonderful plan for the Marrs family. It will be so very sweet to share the news with y’all when our times comes, however that may come about! Until then, we are praying and hoping!